


Another Shot to do More Than Survive

by Kwahadi



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Disabled Character, Disabled Character of Color, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internalized Homophobia, Jake is in a wheelchair, Kinda, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sex, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Jeremy Heere, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael Mell, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, also this is nyc jake and jenna so!!, brooke is gay, chloe is doing her best, definitely, he's a mess, how the fuck do you tag, im just throwing what i can in, its me, jake doesn't know how he feels about being pan at the start, jenna is gay, jeremy and mike start t at different points, jeremy doesn't know he's bi at first, mike and rich are already together, nicole from the book has been converted to the musical by yours truly, not actually but she's gay for nicole, poc jake!!!, probably, she's a badass nonbinary woman, there's gonna be a lot of smut but can you blame these guys?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kwahadi/pseuds/Kwahadi
Summary: 4 months and three weeks ago Jeremy Heere took a SQUIP after the encounter he had with Rich Goranski in a highschool bathroom3 months and a week ago Jeremy Heere and Michael Mell had their falling out in a bathroom at Jake Dillinger's Halloween party, which quite literally ended in flames, the deactivation of Rich Goranski's SQUIP, and Jake Dillinger losing everything2 and a half months ago the entire cast of the highschool play was SQUIP-ed, and then, after 2 months of torment for Jeremy Heere, the deactivation of all the SQUIPs, thanks to Michael Mell2 months ago, Jeremy Heere and Christine Canigula started dating, and Michael Mell was given the money to start testosterone shots as a thank you from the group1 month ago, Jeremy Heere and Christine Canigula decided that dating hadn't worked for them, and broke up with eachotherAnd on a fateful day at the end of January, 4 months and three weeks after the whole drama began, Jake Dillinger asked for help





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first serious fanfic in like 2 years so fucking wish me luck and i hope you enjoy!!!

Jeremy was in his room hugging his pillow, wrapped up in his weighted blanket and humming to himself softly. He’d had a pretty bad overload after going to the mall with Michael, Christine, Jake, Rich, Brooke, Chloe and Jenna, the teen having heard Chloe make a joke, which he knew she didn’t mean to be as harmful as it was, to halloween and the party. Jake seemed to have looked sick when she said it and Michael and Rich nearly had to leave at the mention of the holiday and party, so it wasn’t just him. The meet up quickly ended after that and Jeremy rushed back home, venting a little to his dad and being comforted properly for the first time in years.   
And here he was now, wrapped in a blanket and spooning one of his biggest pillows, his pet ferret Rosie curled up in his bed next to him. He moved a hand out and pet her, a small, content smile spreading across his lips as he brushed his hand over her soft fur, giving her head a gentle scratch. He felt much better than before, thankfully, his dad had helped quite a bit in calming him down and he was able to actually talk about halloween without making the person he was venting to uncomfortable or just as upset as he was. He loved Michael, and Christine, but Michael always had a panicked, sick look on his face when Jeremy brought up halloween - which made him feel insanely guilty, and Christine was such a sweetie but she never knew what to say or how to help Jeremy with that trauma. It just wasn’t in her skill set, and he understood that entirely. Plus, venting to your ex-girlfriend just, felt weird, even if they both loved being friends and supported each other constantly. And Michael had his own trauma to work out, Jeremy couldn’t blame him for that.   
The teen jolted slightly as his phone went off, and he sat up, Rosie hopping off his bed and scurrying to her cage. She hated noises phones made, and honestly Jeremy got that. Too loud and sudden. He picked up the phone and cleared his throat a little, making sure it didn’t sound too broken or feminine, before he answered.  
“Hello?” he asked, managing to stop himself from stuttering, at least this time. He didn’t expect the voice he was met with.  
“H-Hey, uh-” Jake. It was Jake’s voice. But it was… off. Softer and shaky, almost reluctant and definitely at the very least stressed, and at the very most scared. He’d never heard Jake like this, ever, and it made worry and anxiety rise in his chest and make it feel tight. Before he could speak again, Jake’s voice rang into his ear again, and he silenced himself so he didn’t interrupt his friend.   
“I.. C-Can I come over? Rich… I-I love the guy, but, he’s got enough s-shit to deal with and his dad is apparently home, and.. Y-Y’know how weird of a spot me and Christine are in… You really don’t gotta let me come, I just. Need someone right now, I guess,”   
He sounded so unsure of himself, Jeremy didn’t think a guy as confident and upbeat as Jake was could even get like that. But, he was human too. Jeremy had to treat him like that, wild popular guy or not.   
“Yeah, y-yeah of course you can c-come over! Just bring y-your crutches, that way you don’t get stuck to t-the first floor,” Jeremy said reassuringly, getting up and going to get pants on and at least get on a sports bra. He’d worn his binder all day and despised it, he didn’t feel like he- fuck. Right, Jake just thought the ‘Jenny’ nickname was just another taunt, nothing deeper. He didn’t plan on coming out because Jake saw he had boobs, no way. He pulled on his binder, pausing as he heard Jake speak again.   
“Thank you s-so much.. I-I’ll be over in a bit.”   
Jeremy smiled. “Of course man,”  
The call ended at that, and Jeremy finished getting himself dressed, running a comb through his hair to get it at least a little straightened after being bundled up in a weighted blanket for an hour. He stretched out with a happy hum and waited for a few minutes for Jake to come over, finally hearing a knock on the door and jogging downstairs. He straightened himself out a bit, before getting his front door open, pausing as he saw Jake, cheeks a bit red and eyes pink and teary. He looked ashamed, and he was shaking from the cold and was only in his goddamn varsity jacket, a shirt, and jeans. The sight made Jeremy’s heart wrench.   
“O-Oh my god- c-come in, come on,” Jeremy said hurridly, helping Jake get his wheelchair into the house and then shutting the door behind him. Then, he rushed to kneel in front of Jake, looking at him with wide eyes. “W-What the hell happened?”  
“..M-My grandma’s kicking m-me out in a few days- she says I- I stayed t-too long and I should pay my own r-rent but- fucking- it’s her goddamn job to take c-care of her fucking grandson who can’t fucking pay rent and l-lost EVERYTHING-” Jake stopped himself after he raised his voice, seeing how Jeremy tensed up and moved backwards at the loud volume and feeling his gut wrench.   
“I-I’m sorry I- I’m just pissed off… I hate asking for help a-and I hate being this goddamn helpless..” he murmured, looking down and pulling a bit at his sleeves. Jeremy had never seen Jake like this, and honestly it was an awful sight. He didn’t want this for him at all but, it was happening and he had to help somehow. Getting up, he moved and hugged Jake, holding the teen close and carefully moving his fingers through his tight curled hair, making sure he didn’t hurt him or just make it feel plain uncomfortable. Jake was frozen for a second, and Jeremy nearly panicked and pulled away, but then Jake wrapped his long arms around the teen and hugged him tightly, burying his face into Jeremy’s shoulder. Part of Jeremy’s mind was hyperfocusing on how buff Jake’s arms actually felt, but he mentally slapped himself and focused up. He gently rubbed his friend’s back, holding him close and gently squeezing him.  
“You can s-stay with me as long a-as you need to, Jake… I-I have a spare room and I wanna help as much as I can.. You deserve i-it, okay? And I know how m-much it sucks to feel helpless..” he said, keeping his voice gentle as he rubbed his friend’s back and did his best to comfort him. Part of him expected Jake to cry, but that was because Michael was a crier with this kind of stuff. But, Jake was just taking shaky breaths and weakly nodding to Jeremy’s words. Did Jake not like crying? Not all people did it a lot but…   
“T-Thank you so fucking much,” Jake’s voice was wavering and quiet, like he was holding back a lot. Jeremy decided against pushing it, gently squeezing his friend and then moving back to smile at him.   
“You’re my friend, a-and I get needing help… I wanna do as much as I can for you.. I-I owe it to you after n-not hating my guts for wanting to d-date Christine,” Jeremy said, Jake glancing away.   
“A-After how many years of treating you like shit?” he asked. Jeremy frowned and lifted his hand to gently turn Jake’s face so he looked at him.   
“T-Three, but… Everybody f-fucks up, man. S-Some more than o-others.. You honestly treated me way better t-than other people,” Jake just looked more upset than comforted at that, and Jeremy mentally slapped himself again.   
“W-Which, doesn’t help-- what- what I-I’m trying to say is- you’re a really nice, g-good guy now and you’re trying t-to make up for what you did. T-That’s what matters, dude, bad past or not,” Jeremy murmured, smiling reassuringly at Jake and blushing realizing his hand was still over the other teen’s cheek, quickly pulling it back and putting it on Jake’s shoulder. Sighing a little, Jake nodded and took a slow breath to steady himself, smiling back at Jeremy and moving to hug him again, putting his face into Jeremy’s shoulder.   
“T-Thank you, Jeremy. You’re a really cool dude,” he sighed, leaning into Jeremy a bit before pulling back and giving him that trademark, warm grin. “Wanna go watch a movie? I know you’re probably gonna think I watch classic douchebag jock movies or none at all but, uh.. I actually really like Marvel, the Mission Impossible movies, Ocean’s 11, 12 and 13, and… I-I really fucking like the Air Bud movies and disney..” he said, laughing a bit and rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at Jeremy, who lit up and had the biggest grin appear on his face.   
“If you fucking tell-”  
“Air Bud. D-Definitely Air Bud. A-And then something Marvel- e-everything Marvel.” he replied, grinning wide at Jake, who was taken aback for a moment, Then, he smiled this bright, comforted smile that Jeremy hadn’t seen before and made a warm, gooey feeling go throughout him.   
“Let’s get some binging started, then, and Jeremy?” Jake asked, just as Jeremy stood up to get Jake’s crutches for him.   
“Yeah?”  
“Don’t tell Jenna.”  
“I wouldn’t dream of it,”


	2. Chapter Tw0

Jeremy woke up on the couch the next morning, a blanket around his shoulders that he hadn’t placed there and a pillow he never laid on under his head. He yawned softly, pushing himself to sit up and stretching his body out with a long yawn, arms raising and stretching out over his head before dropping to his sides as he opened his eyes and looked around. The T.V. was off now and Jake was gone, the teenager noticing a note on the coffee table. Taking it in his hand, Jeremy held the note up and read it, cheeks heating up as he did so.  
Jeremy,  
I hope you slept okay, your dad came home around 1 in the morning and woke me up, he said I could stay over but I didn’t wanna push my boundaries, your dad still doesn’t seem too happy with me. Thank you for letting me stay over, I haven’t been able to chillax with someone in a while and I’m glad we sorta made up. I know we have the insta group chat, but. Here’s my number. Call me if you ever need to talk or if you just wanna hang out with me.   
Thank you,  
-Jake  
Jeremy set down the note and smiled a little, letting out a breath and running a hand through his curly mess of hair, before dropping it to his lap and folding both his hands, one skinny leg bouncing and the other held up on the couch. He stayed there for a time, before getting up and going upstairs, note in hand. He put the note in a small box, he didn’t exactly know why he felt the need to, but he placed the note in the box anyway and then set the container underneath his bed, changing out of his old clothes with a smile never leaving his lips, the fluttering in his chest never faltering. He didn’t know why, but a hopeful, warm feeling had settled into his stomach, and it stayed there for the rest of the day as Jeremy spent a bit of time with Michael and his pets. 

~+~

A week later it was the 5th of February, 9 days out from Jeremy’s birthday, which also happened to be his birthday. He didn’t really ask for anything, he almost never did, the most he wanted was a pet ferret, which he and his dad had already been looking into, a new computer, and those underwear that work like pads and just need to be washed every day. Being trans was hell and it was even worse having to try to get around changing pads while using the guy’s bathroom. He wanted a lot more for his birthday, like the money for testosterone shots or a new bed, a legal name change, some new clothes, a chew necklace, and a weighted blanket. But, all of that felt too demanding to ask for and he already felt guilty enough for what he did ask his dad for. He’d told Michael about everything else he wanted, but he was only allowing Michael to get him new clothes, nothing else. There was no way in hell he was letting Michael blow off a shit ton of money and time on that other stuff, besides the guy was already saving money for top surgery, since the SQUIP Squad already got the money for Michael to start testosterone. It was a thank you gift after Michael basically saved the goddamn school, Jeremy was already in HRT so he didn’t ask for any help.   
The school had been closed since the SQUIP-cident, since it was under investigations, so the district just sent core class work to all the students and graded them on that so they could still get through to senior year. So, Jeremy has just spent most of his time at home or with Michael and Christine, along with going to group meet ups when they happened. Today felt like another slower day, Michael was in Costa Rica at the moment, and Christine was on a trip with her family. Part of him wanted to message Jake’s number, but. Honestly why the fuck would a popular as hell, cool jock like Jake ever even have the time for someone like Jeremy-  
That’s when he remembered Jake had gotten kicked out. Eyes widening, Jeremy practically shot himself out of bed, scrambling to get dressed and put on shoes before sprinting outside, dialing Jake’s number as fast as he could. He knew Jake couldn’t stay with Rich and honestly it was terrifying to think Jake may be stuck wandering New Jersey because he had nowhere to go. He silently begged Jake to pick up the phone, relief surging through him when he did.   
“Jake! F-Fuck you’re okay-” Jeremy wheezed, voice shaky and small.   
“Yeah, Jeremy are you okay? What’s going on?” Jake’s voice asked on the other end of the line, worried and a bit hushed.  
“I- remembered your- y-your grandma w-was kicking you o-out- are you okay? W-Where are you?” Jeremy asked in a rush, stumbling to a stop and panting, breath escaping him in cloudy puffs of air and his cheeks red and stinging from the cold.  
“You remembered..?” Jake asked softly, almost sounding shocked, before he shook himself out of it and answered a confused, worried Jeremy.  
“I’m at Thalia’s house, she’s a friend of my mom’s, don’t worry, I’m safe with her and she said she’d let me stay with her until I can move out,” the teen reassured, Jeremy letting out a relieved, breathless noise.  
“G-Good- sorry I just- n-needed to make sure you w-were okay…” Jeremy mumbled, holding the phone between his head and shoulder while he straightened himself out, before he paused. Was he really gonna ask this? He felt almost dumb for it, but. Honestly? If Jake was cool with him, he was gonna ask. It’s not like he had very much to lose anyway.  
“I- uhm. C-Can you come o-over? To my place? M-Maybe we can watch some more Marvel m-movies or- uh- I dunno,” he asked sheepishly, shifting from foot to foot and hoping to god he didn’t just weird out the coolest guy in Middleborough High School.. But, then he heard a soft, sweet laugh on the other end of the phone call and that warm, gooey feeling spread through his chest again and god it was like Jeremy was swooning but- there was no way in hell that was it. He was straight as a goddamn rod, there was no way in hell that was swooning. Besides, guys could like other guys’ laughs in a 100% platonic way. Just like how Jeremy and Michael could shotgun and maybe grind and have that be totally platonic too, right? Yeah, definitely.  
“I’d love to come over, man. See you in 20?” Jake asked, a smile pulling Jeremy’s lips and that warm feeling running throughout the rest of his body.  
“S-See you in 20.” Jeremy agreed, before hanging up. He looked down at Jake’s contact for a second, just looking at his name and smiling softly, before pocketing his phone and half walking half skipping back home, humming to himself and feeling light and bouncy. He shut his door behind himself and kept it unlocked, before going into his dad’s study. Thank God his dad had started wearing pants again. Walking over, Jeremy lifted a bony hand and tapped his father’s shoulder, before putting his hand into his pocket. Eli, Jeremy’s father, turned around and smiled to his son.   
“Hey kiddo, what’s up?” he asked, Jeremy fidgeting with his pocket.  
“Could you, uh. Maybe just stick t-to your study? A friend who isn’t Michael is coming o-over and I really don’t wanna come off weird to him..” Eli let out a soft sigh, before smiling a bit at his son and raising his eyebrows.  
“I put pants on and everything and you still can’t be seen with me?” he joked, Jeremy frowning. He knew he’d been a bit of an asshole to his dad for.. Well, ever since his mom left, honestly. Without even being prompted, Jeremy went and hugged his father, which was a surprise to Eli, before he wrapped his arms around his son and hugged back, gently patting his shoulder.   
“I was just kidding buddy, I know you want your space.”   
“Y-You know I love you even if I can be a prick,” Jeremy mumbled, catching his dad off guard once again. Eli squeezed Jeremy and gave the teen’s head a little kiss, moving him back by his shoulders and smiling at his son.  
“I know, and I love you too. Now go spend time with your friend-who-isn’t-Michael, kiddo.” Eli said, Jeremy grinning and nodding.  
“Thank you dad,”   
Leaving the study, Jeremy made sure that the living room looked at least semi-decent, along with his bedroom and basement. If he was gonna host Jake Dillinger, the house had to look nice, no exceptions, demonic dust bunnies. Hearing a knock, Jeremy paused in his perfectionist frenzy and ran back upstairs, getting the front door open and smiling as his eyes landed on Jake, who was on his crutches instead of in his wheelchair. It gave him some hope that Jake was recovering, but the discomfort on Jake’s face and how tightly he was holding the crutches said otherwise. Letting him in, Jeremy helped Jake sit down and then went and plopped down beside the taller teen, smiling nervously and messing with his own hands.  
“T-Thank you for coming over,” the shorter of the two murmured, the taller smiling.  
“No problem, it’s nice staying here.” he replied, Jeremy feeling his cheeks warm up and flush a light pink.  
“T-Thank you.. Uh, how are y-your legs? You don’t have y-your wheelchair,” Jake looked down at that and worry flooded in, the other about to scramble to apologize when he answered the question.  
“I can barely feel them anymore… The.. the most I can do is, uhm…” Taking a slow, wavering breath, Jake screwed his eyes shut and started trying to move his leg, gripping the couch cushion and letting out a strangled noise when he straightened his leg by only a few inches, before it weakly dropped back to being limp and rested against the couch. Jeremy looked at the taller boy with wide, worried blue eyes, eyebrows furrowed and a frown pulling his lips. He hesitated for a minute, before slipping off the couch and onto the floor, moving to push Jake’s jeans up to his knee. Jake looked at Jeremy with confusion, cheeks slightly tinting red, which took Jeremy by surprise since the jock rarely ever blushed. Like, at all.  
“What-”  
“T-This.. Is gonna be r-really touchy-feely b-but, just, trust m-me okay?” Jeremy asked nervously, looking up at Jake. The other teen hesitated for a beat, before nodding. Jeremy moved and took Jake’s ankle, squeezing lightly at first.   
“T-Tell me when you start t-to feel something, please,” he asked, waiting for any confirmation. He gradually applied more and more pressure with his hand, squeezing harder around Jake’s ankle. Just before his knuckles could turn white and his hand started shaking, Jake spoke.  
“There.” Jeremy gave a small nod, before moving up to Jake’s calf and repeating what he was doing. His knuckles nearly turned white again before the other teen said he could feel something. And again, Jeremy squeezed over Jake’s mid thigh, where it took a bit less time for him to say he could feel something. They did the same process with Jake’s other leg, before the other teenager got a bit restless with being in the dark.  
“I know I have great muscles, but, why the hell are you feeling up my leg?” Jake asked, Jeremy turning bright red at the phrasing and pulling his hand back, sitting on it even.  
“I-I- for one t-this was not so I-I could just feel y-your leg up!! Look- M-Michael has a cousin who stayed w-with him for about a year s-so she could get better t-treatment than what she’d get in the Philippines. L-Like you she- she broke h-her legs, a tree collapsed on her and crushed her legs.. A-And… Mike did t-that to see if she was losing more a-and more feeling.. Which.. She was…” he kept his eyes down.  
“..A-After.. You walked o-on your legs while they w-were broken… y-you might’ve done more than just g-get yourself stuck in a wheelchair… T-There might be nerve damage….” Jeremy mumbled, not wanting to see the look on Jake’s face.   
Nobody can handle hearing they might never walk again and take it well.


End file.
